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Sad | empresslya's Blog


I don't know why but I am so sad so often and there is one person in my life that I feel is my kryptonite. That person is my mom. I avoid her when I can but there are times when we have to interacts. Espcially since we live in the same house. I don't have the time to go into detail about our tumoltuous relationship. I have hardly slept I have finals in just a few days and she is yelling at me and threatning to throw me into the streets. So what could I do I told her ok. That seemed to enrage her even more. I mean what am I to do. I have very little money and I have a child to take care of. I am doing the best that I can. The she wants me to go lie and commit fraud so she can save money and I refused. I just cried a little. I did not even really yell back I am just too tired to keep fighting a stupid war with her. Then she tries to make me feel bad by calling me names just because I would not commit fraud for her. I have had to live with her for so long. She is manipulative, mean, and mentally ill. I am just gonna take a shower then a nap and hope to feel better in the morning. I don't mean to be a dead beat downer. I am not sad all the time (really I am not) Its just that sometimes something happens and I get really depressed and I have to nudge myself back to balance. I am getting so much better control of my emotions. Maybe I do eat to feel better. If I am I should find something else to feel better. You know how sometimes you do things without really realizing it. I guess I am trying to fill the void from the absentee father, mentally ill mother, lack of family ( they don't tend to like me and vice versa) We are a cold bunch that separates into our own little cliques. I just want to put on some Eminem right now, but I can't because my cousin came to my house and stole my things.

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