NOt in LovE | empresslya's Blog

Ok so this guy is talking to me like he likes me and may want to be with me. I don't like him obviously but he is nice and I have not found one girl to go out with. He is a truck driver so I would not have to see him that often. I've faked it before and no one really got hurt. I don't know what to do. I know hime but I don't know him well enough yet which is where the dating would have to take place. I thought he had a girl and everything I guess he does not. I want to get info but just in case he is just playing I don't want to say the wrong thing and ruin a cool online relationship. I mean I have known him for a little while but we did not speak much and then he moves. Then all of the sudden he is comfortable talking to me online. It is wrong to go out with someone just because they are convinent, I know. But I am on the online sites. I don't know of any lesbian bars and I have been single for so long. I don't even crave the touch of a man nor am I looking foward to it. Hopefully I can play the I want  to take things slow line. How long can I get away with this is to be seen. Maybe he is nothing more than hot air. Why could it not be the girl in my class that all the sudden I noticed and would prefer to date.
This girl in my class that I did not notice because I thought just another young college student. But she spoke to me a few times and sits next to me all the time. I know that she does not want me she is so beautiful and I am well still in progress you can say. I just have to lose weight I am very pretty. Some people use to fawn over me, but there was always some chick that was prettier so I am not that conceited. There is always a Giselle to bring you down to Earth. I just want to be given the chance to meet other lesbians. She has no visable tatoos and she is so sweet when she talks. She wears glasses like me I hate crushing on people. It does not matter anyway this semester is almost done and I will probably only see her in passing ( big maybe). I am looking foward to going to French class now. It does not matter if I go on time because she is usually late like me but I will make the effort for myself and to get a chance to see her walk in. Too bad I did not lose this weight before the semester started. But it still does not matter now does it since it seems like every girl is straight. I feel like there are only like 10 lesbians in Jersey.

I just hate this and I hate what I might end up doing and moreover I hate that I may not get a chance to ever be happy.

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